Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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