I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
