I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
