4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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