he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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