$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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