loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
