I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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