New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
