I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
