so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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