the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize