I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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