I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
