I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
