Define "chronic" masturbator.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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