i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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