Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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