fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
