every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
