he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
