So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
