oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
