remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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