Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
