I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
