quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
