I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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