Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
