I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
