These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
