Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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