actually, I'm a sock model
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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