Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
