i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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