This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
