...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
