I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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