dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she looked like the before picture.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
