i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
