i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
