So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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