1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
