I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
