Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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