I'm jealous of your bromance
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
