I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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