When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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