is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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