New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize