waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
