Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize