Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
