i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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