two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
