I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't deserve a penis
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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