The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
