then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
