Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
