Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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