I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
