Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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