Quick, to the slutcave!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
