I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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