I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
