His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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