Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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