If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
