my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize