Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
