when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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