my mouth tastes like poor choices
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
