he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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